Things to Consider Before Having a Gender Reveal Party: The Pros & Cons

Gender reveal parties used to be simple. Someone found out the sex of the baby by permission of the parent(s) and then a myriad of things were planned for the party. Typically separate from a traditional baby shower, gender reveal parties are more about gathering the inner-circle (or a workgroup, or a book club, etc.) together and creatively announcing the baby’s sex.

Now, however, many are questioning why it matters and what it means. Those who are LGBTQ+, or who have non-non-binary identities, don’t necessarily feel supported or that those types of parties reflect the baby/person they were in utero. If fact, it may feel like added reinforcement that their gender-fluid nature isn’t respected.

As a result, online queries regarding everything you’d want to know about gender reveal parties offer a range of conflicting headlines, from “The Ultimate Guide to Planning a Gender Reveal Party” to, “Gender Reveal Parties are Outdated and Ignore the Complexity of Gender.”

That’s a lot for an excited parent to take in, and it also illuminates the need for careful consideration about whether to plan a gender reveal party at all or what/how to plan for if you’re excited and moving forward about the idea.

Why Have a Gender Reveal Party?

So, perhaps the first question to reflect upon is, “why have a gender reveal party at all?” One of the first women to host a gender reveal party was a professional blogger named Jenna Karvunidisrvunidis.com/. In 2008, she was finally pregnant after a series of repeat miscarriages. As Karvunidis said in an interview with The Guardian, “For me, it was a milestone...I had had several miscarriages. It was like, ‘Oh yay, I’m finally at a point in my pregnancy where I know if it’s a boy or a girl’ rather than ‘Let’s saddle this kid with a whole identity.’”

However, The Bump picked up the idea on her blog, interviewed her, and the gender reveal party trend took the expectant world by storm. Interestingly, Karvunidis’s opinions about gender reveal parties have changed, partly the result of general socio-emotional shifts surrounding gender, and also because her daughter is decidedly supportive of fluid gender roles herself.

In addition to social, emotional, cultural, and political support or aversion to gender reveal parties, there is also the sense that they’ve gotten out-of-hand. Originally, colored confetti in a popped balloon, or the “is it pink, or is it blue” candy in a cupcake used to be the big “surprise” and the much-anticipated highlight of the party. Today, the mechanism to reveal the gender seems to be more of the focus than the gender itself, as parents or well-meaning friends try to top the creative charts. In its extreme, this has even resulted in a 47,000-acre wildfire in Arizona, after a gender reveal party’s colorful explosion went uncontrolled.

Asking, “why” you want to have the party, helps you reframe the theme and focus of the celebration. You may just determine that having a shower, and including “it’s a boy!,” or, “it’s a girl!,” or “It’s a baby!” napkins honors the same sense of excitement and enthusiasm - without having the more loaded, “gender reveal” punch for guests who may be sensitive.

Pros of a Gender Reveal Party

As one of the gender reveal party “originals,” Jenna Karvunidis, stated - most people are so thrilled to be having their baby, that it’s simply an additional level of excitement to find out another, solid piece of information about the baby they’re carrying. 

Similarly, social/cultural revolutions don’t happen on a dime. While gender fluidity is coming into the forefront of pop culture conversations, it doesn’t resonate with everyone. For some, the knowledge of whether they’re having a daughter or son matters on some level - even if, as Jenna mentioned, you don’t actually plan out the child’s entire identity before they’re even born. Boy/girl knowledge is simply an additional piece of a much more complex puzzle.

If you’re a parent who has struggled with infertility or miscarriages, and you’re finally pregnant - you deserve to celebrate that pregnancy any way you want to. In that case, the ability to know your baby’s sex and feel it finally moving in your body is a milestone worth celebrating - regardless of the party’s theme! And odds are, your audience will be more forgiving if the gender-theme isn’t typically their cup of tea.

Cons of Having a Gender Reveal Party

I’m a maternity and newborn photographer working here in the Bay Area, where gender issues are at the forefront of the current social climate. Gender reveal parties are quickly falling by the wayside around here as the result of heightened sensitivities around this issue, which brings us to the “cons.”

Perhaps the most important “con” against having a gender reveal party is that a friend or family member may feel hurt or as if their struggle isn’t being honored. If an invitee or a close friend/family member identifies as LGBTQ+ or non-binary, contact them and discuss your desire in having a party - and your compassionate interest in their insight and opinions.

Be aware that you may also get some flack from invitees who are passionate about this topic and feel that gender reveal parties are the type of thing that prohibits the non-binary movement. That being said, you could have the world’s greatest gender reveal party - complete with fun representations about how “girls” and “boys” can be anything or anyone, they want to be - with visual representations of that.

Boy? Girl? Neither? Both? Let’s face it, we’re all rapt with awe and reverence when a newborn arrives in our lives. I’d love to help you capture the essence of that awe and reverence with priceless, one-of-a-kind newborn photos. Contact me here at Lemonshoots to schedule your sessions. You can also call me, Marcela Limon, at (510) 747-9019.