How to Help Your Partner with Postpartum Depression & Anxiety
We hear about postpartum depression all the time - and you may have even read about the signs and symptoms - but it’s hard to imagine when babyhood is still a future fantasy.
As a spouse or partner of a new mother, you are in a prime position to notice if your partner is slipping beyond the normal postpartum moods or adjustment period, and help her get the support she needs.
Your compassionate support is instrumental in helping her weather the storm and get through to the other, sunnier side.
Postpartum Depression: Quick Facts & Signs
Here are some postpartum depression (PPD) quick facts, stats, and information:
About 10% to 15% of women experience PPD
Women are more likely to experience PPD if they have a history of depression, anxiety, or mental illness
While depression, or uncontrollable sadness may be present, other symptoms may show up instead - such as rage, dramatic mood swings, heightened anxiety, or crippling self-doubt.
This article is dedicated to supporting new mothers with PPD and new baby anxiety. If you’re not sure what postpartum depression is, or how to tell the difference between the typical Baby Blues (the very common hormonal swings that occur after childbirth and even out within 6 - 8 weeks) and true PPD, scroll below to learn more.
5 Spectacular Ways to Support a New Mom Through Postpartum Depression
Here are five, tried-and-true ways you can support your lady love, and the mother of your precious newborn, through her postpartum depression.
1. Accompany her to an appointment with her OB/GYN and/or a therapist
First and foremost, she needs to know you’re in this together - that you understand she’s done the lion’s share of work in terms of growing, birthing, and caring for the newborn, and that now you’re taking on the lion’s share of caring for Her! This includes acknowledging her feelings, and not countering them. Instead of saying, “of course I love you,” or, “you’re a great mom,” when she expresses the opposite, you say, “Wow! It must be so hard to have those feelings,” or, “I can see you’re hurting and I’m here for you 100%, and ''we love you, and we are here for you.”
It also involves ensuring she gets the care she needs - whether that be the physical support of her OB/GYN and medications or the mental/emotional support of a therapist who specializes in women with PPD.
2. Take Over the House Duties (or hire someone to do it)
I knew a childbirth educator who used to say that the sexiest thing a new father or partner can do for a new mom is clean the dishes, put away the laundry, mop the floors, or cook the meals for an entire week. This is so true.
It takes a long time for a new mom to heal from childbirth, for her body to begin returning to its natural shape and weight, and for her to find the balance between the person she used to be, and the woman she is now.
3. Nourish her body (which nourishes your baby, too)
It’s really strange for a new mother to be asked, “what did you do today?” after her partner’s 10-hour workday. This is because it’s hard to express how 10 hours of timelessness can shrink into four or five basic tasks - holding the baby, changing the baby, feeding the baby, changing three different times after the baby spit-up/pooped/snotted all over her, and only folded two items of clothing from the dryer - - - before the baby-related care started all over again.
What she needs is some solid nourishment because there’s only so many grapes, pretzels, and protein bars a woman can take. If you’re not a natural cook or don’t have the time, hire a postpartum nutritionist to make prepared meals and snacks for you.
Read, Why It’s so Important to Eat Well After Baby is Born, and remember that a well-nourished body buoys the spirits, too.
4. Nourish her soul
Carrying a baby for nine months is no easy feat, but so much emphasis goes into prenatal care, without enough emphasis on the postpartum period. Nourish your partner’s soul by:
Ensuring she’s able to get away for a mani/pedi with a friend every once in a while
Taking the baby for an hour or a half-day here and there so she can have some time to herself
Allowing her to get away for lunch, tea, or a book club meeting with friends to reclaim some independence and a baby-free identity
Setting a specific period of time each week (every Saturday from whatever time to whatever time) that she gets to do whatever she wants, so she can plan around it (even a single hour or two will yield exponential benefits)
Pay attention and offer extra support over the holidays and/or when potential triggers or sensitive dates take place
5. Let her sleep
I’ve had multiple clients comment that hormones or no hormones, anyone would struggle to remain sane, content, and emotionally balanced if they were sleep deprived for weeks, months, and years on end.
The more you can let her sleep (taking over a feeding shift, giving her nap time on your days off and leaving with the baby on walks or errands so she can’t hear him/her crying or fussing, etc.), the better off she’ll be.
Looking for more insightful tips about what to say and do - and what not to say and do - for a partner with PPD? Check out this post from faltherly.com.
Symptoms or signs of PPD
While depression lives in the condition’s name, there are a multitude of more subtle signs of postpartum depression and anxiety. Some of them can be easy to miss because those first weeks and months after bringing a newborn home changes the entire universe.
But, remember that your close attention - and honoring of your gut feelings/awareness of your partner - will reveal whether it seems she’s suffering beyond her ability to cope.
Uncontrollable crying for long spans of time or on a daily basis, for several days at a time
Lack of interest in things she used to love (hobbies, social outings, friends, self-care, etc.)
Feelings of extreme anger or rage
Atypical mood swings and extreme irritability
Overeating or skipping meals altogether
Worry about hurting herself or the baby
Suicidal thoughts
Lack of interest in the baby
Higher-than-normal self-doubt or insecurities about her ability to take care of the baby
Of course, the trickiest thing about “normal,” is that it’s hard to define.
“Normal” Baby Blues vs. Postpartum Depression
The NIH has a great article about PPD, which also describes the difference between the typical “Baby Blues” vs. bonafide postpartum depression. They write:
“The “baby blues” is a term used to describe the feelings of worry, unhappiness, and fatigue that many women experience after having a baby. Babies require a lot of care, so it’s normal for mothers to be worried about, or tired from, providing that care. Baby blues, which affects up to 80 percent of mothers, includes feelings that are somewhat mild, last a week or two, and go away on their own.
With postpartum depression, feelings of sadness and anxiety can be extreme and might interfere with a woman’s ability to care for herself or her family. Because of the severity of the symptoms, postpartum depression usually requires treatment. The condition, which occurs in nearly 15 percent of births, may begin shortly before or any time after childbirth, but commonly begins between a week and a month after delivery.”
As a newborn photographer who spends a majority of my days with new moms, I know exactly how challenging the newborn/infant phase and postpartum depression can be. It’s essential that parents-to-be understand this very real phenomena, and love, cherish, and honor their partners through it.
Would you like to have precious, priceless, and magical images of your beloved newborn and his/her mama? Contact me, Marcela Limon, at Lemonshoots to schedule a newborn session.
