How to Keep the Romance Alive After Baby Arrives

It’s not surprising that a newborn baby sucks all of the attention away from your partner – and your partnership. As a newborn photographer, I spend day after day with new mothers, parents, and their immediate loved ones; and I get up-close and personal insight into both the joy-filled aspects of new parenthood - along with the toll it can take.

Focusing on your partnership, intimacy, and romance is one of the best things you can do for your baby’s world. His or her wellbeing is directly related to your quality of life. Babies and children thrive when their parents have healthy communication, connection, and lots of love between them.

To be clear- I’m not talking about those first few weeks after a baby is born. I’m talking about the time – month three and beyond - when the shock and awe are (mostly) diminished, and you’re heading back into life as usual. That window is an essential romance rekindling opportunity!

5 Tips to Nourish the Romance

As long as you’re doing everything you can to nourish your baby – and nourish yourself – I have some great ideas for nourishing romance.

1. Say, “yes,” to others’ offers to take care of the baby

It’s so easy to become a micromanager of your new baby’s life, schedule, and “how-to-do-everything.” But there’s a reason why the African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child…” has become part of the vernacular.

While nobody can love your baby the way you do, many, many, many people are very capable of keeping your baby happy, fed, changed, cuddled, and loved while you step away for just an hour or two – if not longer. That includes your mother-in-law, the sweet college student who needs some extra money, registered nannies in your area, friends that never had children but want to help out, etc.

Take advantage of local family, other parent friends (babysitting swaps are fantastic!), and others to get away and focus on yourselves for a dinner, a movie, or a coffee date. Once the baby is old enough, a night or weekend away works wonders.

2. Schedule a regular, monthly date night (no baby talk!)

The best way to practice #1 is to bite the bullet and schedule a monthly date night that you honor rain or shine, tired or not, no excuses. Even if you sit and stare at each other, bleary-eyed over dinner plates at your favorite restaurant, it is worth it.

Slowly, but surely, these routine date nights provide the space you need to be yourselves again. I highly recommend creating a “no talking about the baby” rule and stick to it. These dates are about you as individuals - and as a couple – not to mention finishing an entire meal without having to stop and take care of a baby’s needs. Special, couples-only minutes and hours are where the bulk of a couple’s romance is derived, rekindled, and supported.

3. Support your partner’s bond with baby

There is nothing more belittling for a father or mother than to be continuously corrected, criticized (however “constructively”), or denied the opportunity to spend uninterrupted time with their baby. Yes, you may have the most inside scoop; but, together your partner and baby learn a new way and create their own “inside” scoop. Your family will be better for it.

When you allow your partner time to feel wanted, needed, loved, and connected with the baby – on their terms – you’ll fall in love with him/her all over again. Plus, you’ll appreciate the extra time for yoga, a massage, a bath or shower, or to connect with friends. Baby-free activities fill your cup – and that gives you more energy for romance.

4. Keep touching – as much as you can – every day

There’s so much information out there about oxytocin (the love and bonding hormone), and how mothers are flooded with it after labor and delivery, when they nurse, when they’re skin to skin with their baby, etc. What we forget is that oxytocin floods our system every time we hug, cuddle, kiss, or hold hands with anyone.

Days are busy, nights are long, and everyone is tired. But, I promise that a simple pause to kiss, run your hands along your beloved’s back as you pass by, stopping to rub the shoulders of the one unloading the dishwasher (even if you think you need shoulder-rubbing the most!), or staying just a second or two longer in a hello/goodbye embrace produces extra oxytocin especially for the two of you.

5. Say, “Thank You”

One of the greatest mistakes any couple makes is to compare who does the most. When baby comes along, that competition can become fiercely debilitating. A competitive nature is a recipe for resentment, anger, and self-isolation. If there is something that you truly need from your partner, state or request it simply and calmly. Nobody should be expected to read minds.

Otherwise, it’s a wise approach to assume each person is doing things that go unseen or unnoticed to support the whole of the household. Saying, “Thank you,” even for things you think are “supposed-to-dos” (like laundry, dishes, shopping, walking the dog, etc.), tells your partner s/he’s seen and appreciated. Gratitude between lovers fosters romance – plain and simple.

My name is Marcela, and I’m the owner of Lemonshoots. I’d advocate that another way to keep the romance alive after the baby is born is to schedule a newborn photography session. We are professional baby tenders, and you and your partner can revel in the magic of the family you’ve created. We’ll capture the magical essence of those moments via fantastic, one of a kind imagery. Give me a call, (510) 747-9019 or contact me online to schedule your sweet session.