Maternity Leave Expectations: Fantasy vs Reality
If this is your first baby, the odds are maternity leave feels like a spacious bubble, with plenty of time for you and your baby to get to know each other, create a newborn routine, and enjoy lots of bonding time. That’s “sort of” the case, but there’s a lot more to it than that.
Maternity Leave: A Spoonful of Preparation Helps the Reality Go Down
In my conversations with women during maternity photo sessions and when we reunite for newborn sessions, I’ve noticed a significant difference between maternity leave expectations and the reality of maternity leave.
A famous song from the original Mary Poppins musical says, “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.” I’ve found that when moms have a spoonful of reality, it helps maternity leave reality go down.
With that in mind, here are some tips my clients use to get the most out of their maternity leave, optimizing the well-being of mother, baby, and household.
Plan for more time just in case
Even the most career-minded women can be shocked at how all that professional drive shifts into maternal instincts once the baby arrives.
If you’re planning a traditional 12-week maternity leave, I recommend finding ways to extend that if you want more time with the baby. That also applies to parents with employers that grant extended maternity leave. For some, this is simply arranging it with your boss, but others need to find other routes to stay at home with their babies.
Creative ideas include:
Don’t take maternity leave until the baby comes. Almost every mother I know is sad they used maternity leave time beforehand and wish they had it on the backend instead.
Planning for your partner to use paid parental leave time, too (this keeps babies out of daycare or nanny care for as long as possible).
Shorten your maternity leave by a week or so and roll those extra days into more three and four-day weekends.
Drop down to part-time if there’s any way you can afford it.
Use any unused paid PTO (if you’re reading this early on in your pregnancy, start stocking up now)
See if there’s any way you qualify for short-term disability (c-section, postpartum complications, post-partum depression, etc. Your OB or a psychiatrist can discuss this option with you).
Hire childcare support that comes to your home so you can work from home but be available if needed and hang out with your baby during breaks (breastfeeding in person trumps pumping every time!). College students (especially those participating in early childhood development programs) are a great option, so reach out to local community and state colleges. Babies don’t need much more than love, physical comfort, and feeding/changing, so anyone responsible and with a good heart is qualified.
You only know what you will feel, want, or need after the baby arrives. So, planning for longer is always wiser than not planning for long enough and then trying to scramble in the emotional devastation of returning to work sooner than you want to.
Don’t wait for maternity leave to “get things done”
Before maternity leave, many women hold all those “empty” days as a “staycation” with their newborn. It’s not like that. Don’t make a list of things to do or people to see while on maternity leave. Those things should be done (and people visited) before the baby is born.
Once the baby is born, all of your to-dos will be baby driven and far more simple than you might think (try to take a shower, nap while baby naps, finish a single load of laundry in less than three days, etc.)
Get professional newborn photos ASAP
Hopefully, your newborn session is already booked. If not, book one now since newborn photographers’ calendars fill up months in advance. It may seem like you have time, but you’ll be amazed at how much your infant changes in the first two weeks, let alone the first month. The sooner you take newborn pictures, the more “newborn” the photos will be. That newborn will soon turn into an infant, and there is a difference.
Line up all the help you can ahead of time.
You may not want anyone around during your maternity leave. On the other hand, you may want lots of people around. You may not think you want anyone around - until your baby scream-cries for six straight hours in the middle of the night, at which point you’d invite almost anyone over if they know how to hold a baby.
We just spoke to a new mom who said, “People keep saying, ‘let us know if you need anything,’ and I keep telling them, ‘We’re fine,’ even when we’re not! But, it’s hard to know what to ask for.”
Again, you won’t know what you want until you want it, but proactively lining help up is HUGE and makes it way easier to take advantage of offers when they come along.
Schedule meal support for the weeks (months) after the baby is born.
Have friends create a chore train (like a meal train) to help with basic cleaning chores or errand running.
Let people know you might be flakey and that any set calendar dates for the first year after the baby is born are “maybes.” This frees you to gracefully bow out if things aren’t going “to plan.”
Put “diaper service” on your baby shower wish list.
Get familiar with grocery store delivery services before the baby is born so you’re a pro during maternity leave.
Visit a LaLeche League meeting (or interview lactation consultants) before the baby comes
If you plan to breastfeed, odds are you’ve read a bunch of information and figure you’ll call for help if needed. In reality, new moms are stretching in so many directions (not to mention postpartum healing fatigue) that it’s harder to hold a phone, do research, and connect with new people when you’re in the midst of a situation.
Instead, line up support before you have the baby. I recommend:
Visiting a La Leche league meeting.
Interviewing lactation consultants so you have one at the ready if you have any issues at all.
If you can afford it, hire a postpartum doula.
All of these entities are newborn experts who can support you in many ways, offering solid expert advice as needed.
Join a mom’s group
Speaking of postpartum support, I can’t tell you how often I hear about my clients’ mom groups. They are life savers, intentionally created to support women just like you. The Bay Area is chock full of different mom and parenting groups. Don’t be shy. There are groups for every type of mama or parent, including those that hang out together, walk/hike together, work out together, etc.
If joining a group isn’t your thing, look for exercise classes designed for new moms and their babies (like yoga!), which is a sideways route to joining a mom’s group. Find a few potentials and stick the contact information on the fridge so it’s there for you when needed.
Schedule A Newborn Session During Your Maternity Leave
Are you getting ready to start your maternity leave? Don’t forget to book your newborn sessions with Lemonshoots so you can cross that item off your Maternity Leave Preparation list. I’ve worked with hundreds of mothers and can’t wait to meet you and your precious new baby. Contact me to get started.